Let us see what typical family problems a woman has to deal with in modern Russia.
Adultery. There is a strong opinion in Russia, that it is not the adulterer to blame for his doings, but the one who stimulates him. According to the centuries-old tradition, people usually accuse the woman. The husband is unfaithful, but the woman is guilty; she is taken as bad hostess, wife and mother. If she herself is unfaithful, then she is twice as guilty! What will be the reaction of a modern Russian woman in case she gets to know about her husband? There is an incredible number of possible patterns of behaviour. I remember a 30-years-old woman who confessed to her female friends that after seeing a dream about her husband's adultery, she couldn't talk to him calmly. Another one told such a story: "As I saw him with that woman, I ran away in tears. I was silent for two days and was waiting for him to confess and to tell me he was sorry, and I, like a loving wife, would certainly forgive, and everything will be finished. But he was as usual; he was even tender with me and was constantly saying 'dear' and 'honey'. And I decided to tell him everything I had seen that evening. He exploded. He started shouting at me and told me to get away from his house. We still live together but we are strangers now. What shall I do? Forgive? But what about the soul? What shall I do with the wounded love? Kill it?"
Sometimes adultery leads to divorce. But in many cases women forgive their husbands for being unfaithful. There are several reasons why the Russian woman forgives:
- firstly, feeling pity towards her husband, when she is sure that 'he will die without me';
- secondly, the desire to save the family by all means: legally and for the social status;
- thirdly, the fear of staying alone;
- fourthly, being financially dependent upon the husband (usually in rich families).
It often happens in modern Russia, when a tyrant husband totally suppresses his wife; finally, the moment comes when she tries to set herself free through the act of adultery. Sometimes it may be also a way for a Russian woman to get her husband's love back. A wife can easily see, that if she seems rather attractive to men around, her husband becomes more attentive to her. It occasionally happens when, tired after being endlessly reproached and after her husband being constantly jealous, the woman finds a way to be unfaithful. She thinks that it is much easier to stand his jealousy by horning him.
There are cases when a Russian woman becomes unfaithful for her career, and even for the career of her husband. This situation is described in one of the films by a well-known Russian director Pyotr Todorovski: the wife of a captain becomes a lover of commander of the regiment to promote her husband. Lately, the wives of the so-called 'new Russians' (people who have become rich in a short period of time), being excluded from the social life, find lovers (often young hustlers) to overcome their depression.
The cases described above are by no means a national trouble of Russians. I daresay that, following the Christian and social morals, most Russian women are truly faithful to their husbands. Being faithful is the most important quality of the Russian woman in the relationship to her husband.
Jealousy. Adultery gives rise to another family problem, jealousy. No doubt, that is a notion peculiar of the people all over the world. It appears in a great number of cases: when the one who is in love becomes unsure that he or she is equally loved in return; when a person in love takes the other one as his property; or when he himself is far too innocent. A Russian woman may borrow this sense of jealous from her parents' family. Suppose, she frequently used to see her father being unfaithful; that may give her reason to believe that all men are born traitors, and from the first days of her marriage she suspects her husband, unable to trust him.
Love is often accompanied by jealousy. The aggressive behaviour of a husband is justified by many Russian women by the proverb 'If he is jealous, he is in love.' But it must be taken into account, that jealousy deeply offends the Russian woman, whether it might be light or, even worse, strong. She feels humiliated and insulted. It is worth only surprising at the Russian woman's capability to forgive her jealous and unfaithful men. But don't try to abuse a woman's patience and to 'awake a beast' in her. According to the statistics, the husband's jealousy and adultery are the chief reasons of divorces in Russia.
Divorce. As the Russian proverb goes, 'Smart people stay together, but fools divorce.' It is quite common for people in Russia to stay enemies after the divorce. Relatives, children, friends, and even colleagues, are involved into the long-term antagonism of the former spouses. And what are the reasons of the divorces in Russian families? Let us enumerate some of them:
- being greatly dependent on the parents who don't like their sons- or daughters-in-law and interfere into the life of their grown-up children;
- inability to solve regular family problems and hopes for a next happier marriage in future;
- long family crisis;
- suppression of one of the spouses' personality;
- physical violence (mostly from men);
- adultery;
- one of the spouses' alcoholism or drug-addiction;
- one of the spouses inability to have children;
- financial difficulties;
- the peculiarities of the profession.
According to the statistics, every third married couple is divorced in Russia nowadays. But as psychologists say, 50 per cent of the divorced regret their separation later on. Some of them go on living together being officially divorced. It is worth mentioning that in spite of all the troubles, the Russian woman tries to save her family by all means, and divorces only when her marriage becomes really unbearable.
The Russian woman is able to solve any family problems. The main reason of this is her burning desire to save the family, especially if there are common children in it.
